You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
