Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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