hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
