Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
