The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
