Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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