dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
