So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
