he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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