She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
