Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
