we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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