Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
