Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
