I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
