so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
