I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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