Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
