I hate all girls vehemently.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think my moral compass just broke
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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