would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I FOUND THE LEGS
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
