You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
