I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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