Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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