I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
