Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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