Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
