I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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