she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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