So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
