i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
