o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
