So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
