Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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