Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
