so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
