i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
