Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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