i think my tv is drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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