new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
