so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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