Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
