I heard we made out
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
