So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
