Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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