I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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