I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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