In the future we'll all be gay
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
