And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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