Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I believe in your delicious
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize