Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
