yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
