why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
