I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
