I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
