No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Terrible idea I love it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
