Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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