the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone owes me an orgasm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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