Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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