I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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