uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
