I think scott just propositioned me for sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
