i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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