Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
