I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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