My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
