Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
