He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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