I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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