They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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