3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
