id be glad to
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
