so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
