lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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