my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
