Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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