he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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