btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
