He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
