so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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