there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
