how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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