I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
