Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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